Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978).

The Scoop:
With Beatles Rockband coming out tomorrow, we're in the midst of another one of those periodic waves that flood our culture celebrating the Beatles' legacy. It is most definitely a legacy that deserves celebrating, but sometimes it's worth remembering that not every appropriation of the Beatles is a work of genius.

Take, for instance, this... thing. How was this ever a good idea? Pop stars of the '70s (including the Bee Gees, Peter Frampton and Earth, Wind & Fire) gather to cover Beatles songs and participate in some sort of plot cobbled together from references to Beatles lyrics. And the resulting film is even worse than the description sounds.

It was directed by Michael Schultz (who was also responsible for "Car Wash" and "Carbon Copy"), written by Henry Edwards (who had no other film credits after this) and the non-musical cast includes George Burns, Donald Pleasance, Sandy Farina and Steve Martin.

Despite an interesting touch or two (such as the inspired casting of Aerosmith as the evil enemy band), this is only good for unintentional laughs and not much else. Provided you can stomach the desecration of such great music.

Best Line:
"Could Billy survive 10,000 volts? It was a lot more than normally came through his guitar. Frankly, he was shocked. Stunned and unconscious, only the power of true love could revive the injured Billy."

Side Note:
The "Guests of Heartland" read like a who's who of the mid-1970s pop charts, including Leif Garrett, Jose Feliciano, Donovan, Yvonne Elliman, Rick Derringer, Seals and Crofts, Dr. John and dozens of others. Hidden in the crowd - and carefully omitted from the end credits - are George Harrison and Paul and Linda McCartney.

Companion Viewing:
"Xanadu" (1980) and "Across the Universe" (2007).

Links:
IMDb.
Fan site.
Trading cards!.
The history of the trumpet.

Take a Look:
The trailer:


Sandy Farina plays Strawberry Fields, singing "Strawberry Fields Forever":

The Skydivers (1963).

The Scoop:
This Coleman Francis creation may be a psychodrama about the sinister goings-on behind the scenes at a desert sky diving school. It's kind of hard to tell, since the film sucks so much. Bad acting, bad writing, bad directing, bad editing, bad location audio -- everything is terrible.

Francis stalwart (and producer) Tony Cardoza stars as Harry Rowe, the owner of a skydiving school who cheats on his wife (Kevin Casey) with the town floozy (Marcia Knight). Miss Floozy tries to get her revenge by seducing some other guy (Titus Moede) and then hatching a convoluted murder plot involving acid in the parachutes. Meanwhile, Harry's old army buddy (Eric Tomlin) wanders around and asks for coffee. Some other stuff happens, too, but it doesn't make much sense and can probably be safely ignored.

However, the one aspect of the film that sets it above the rest of the Francis ouevre is the ludicrously eclectic cast of extras. Among others, there's the beat poet with a chicken, the camera club geek, the gargantuan woman in a bathing suit, and to top it all off, the dancing Scotsman.

Francis, a Hollywood bit player for a number of years, struggled mightily to carve out a writing and directing career for himself in the early '60s by churning out a string of quirky, incompetent melodramas that always seemed to come back to coffee and light aviation. While he stayed true to his singular vision, it didn't work out for him -- he died a homeless alcoholic in 1973.

But "The Skydivers" is good for many, many unintended laughs, even if you're willing to brave it without the "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" treatment.

Best Line:
"I like coffee!"

Side Note:
Jimmy Bryant, the lead singer of the Night Jumpers, the band featured at the runway party, also lent his vocals to "West Side Story" (1961).

Companion Viewing:
"The Beast of Yucca Flats" (1961) and "Red Zone Cuba" (1966).

Links:
IMDb.
Daddy-O's Drive-In Dirt.
he loved him some movies.
The Agony Booth.

Take a Look:
The trailer:

Gymkata (1985).

The Scoop:
Let's just cut to the chase here. This is one of the strangest, silliest movies you'll ever see.

Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas plays a secret agent who is a specialist in a martial arts discipline that is part gymnastics, part karate. Actually, in the hands of non-actor Thomas, it just winds up being all gymnastics and no karate. But that hardly matters, since the rest of the plot is pure gibberish anyway. There is some sort of a secret mission to a generic Eastern European country where Thomas has to play deathsports with other fighters. Somehow, a princess is involved, too.

Even after all these years, I'm still not sure what this all adds up to, but (spoiler alert!) the good guys win in the end. But that (and cracktastic fight choreography) is really about all you can expect from movies like this. It also happens to be Thomas' only movie role ever. I wonder why?

This one is a bad movie must.

Best Bit:
The scene in which Thomas is chased down an alley by a gang of thugs, only to find a conveniently placed pommel horse, which he uses to defeat his enemies.

Side Note:
This is actually based on a novel, "The Terrible Game" by Dan Tyler Moore. I dare you to read it.

Companion Viewing:
I'm not sure what a good analogue for "Gymkata" would be. Maybe if you smooshed together "Enter the Dragon" (1973) and "Stick It" (2006), then drained out all the quality, that might come close.

Links:
IMDb.
Gymkata.com.
Badmovies.org.
I-Mockery.
A fan page that is pretty awe-inspiring in its own right.

Take a Look:
The trailer. Gymkata!


The infamous pommel horse scene. Thrill as hundreds of angry villagers just stand around waiting to be kicked!

Last Days of Planet Earth (1974).

The Scoop:
Giants sea slugs, sentient plants and other assorted beasties threaten to destroy the world -- all in accordance with the predictions of Nostradamus. (As the introductory voice over makes clear, he also predicted World War II, so you know it must be true!) Light on plot and heavy on old guys arguing dubious science, this film also sets a new world record for the use of stock footage. There is supposed to be an environmental activism message here, but that kind of gets lost in the onslaught of cheese. This is strictly bottom-of-the-barrel Toho fare that makes their rubbery Godzilla sagas look like masterpieces. But at least the opening theme music is kinda groovy. And keep an eye out for the scene in which a single car crash pretty much blows up all of Tokyo.

Best Bit:
The well-dressed salaryman sitting in the tree. No reason, really. He's just sitting there.

Side Note:
The original, uncut version of the film is still banned in its native Japan because of a cannibalism scene.

Companion Viewing:
Only a double bill of something like "Godzilla, King of the Monsters" (1954) and "When Worlds Collide" (1951) can give you a hint of what to expect here.

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
Here's the original Japanese-language trailer, which somehow manages to leave out all the coolest, most ridiculous parts (except for the fiery car crash, which you can see a little bit of at the end):

The Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973).

The Scoop:
This lovely confection has it all. A dorky Basque sheep herder goes to Reno and wins a fortune at the slots, only to have it stolen by a brazen hussy. An eccentric millionaire bankrolls an authentic recreation of an Old West mining town. A phoney psychic makes predictions based upon channeling the spirits of dead miners. The entire town makes believe a dog is dead and holds an elaborate funeral. An unscrupulous real estate developer almost gets lynched. And then just when you think the madness is getting to be too much, a giant mutant sheeps descends on the town and puts an end to it all. At least you hope it's the end, but it's not -- the film then takes a detour into "King Kong" territory and gets even more bizarre, culminating in a riot in the town dump. Whew! (And that doesn't even cover all the madness that goes on in this movie!)

They don't make oddities quite like this anymore, although I'm not sure that's a good thing or a bad thing. This is the brainchild and (mercifully) final film of Frederic Hobbs, who dropped moviemaking in favor of a slightly more successful career as an abstract sculptor.

If you're a bad movie conisseuer, definitely do not pass up a chance to see this one; no amout of description or critique can do it justice. It's definitely earned its spot in the Desuko Weird Movie Hall of Fame. Even the most jaded viewers will find their jaws hitting the floor repeatedly.

Best Bit:
The monster's little pas de deux in the wilderness with the scientist's lovely young assistant.

Side Note:
It appears that this turd never had a proper theatrical release. (Gee, I wonder why?) It's legend only started to grow with its DVD release.

Companion Viewing:
I'm not sure what else could live up to this, except for Hobbs' other films -- "Troika" (1969), "Roseland" (1970), and "Alabama's Ghost" (1972). Unfortunately, I haven't seen any of those, so I'll reserve judgement for now.

Links:
IMDb.
Uncle Scoopy's Movie House.

Take a Look:
This clip, while wonderfully inept in itself, makes the film look linear and sane. It is not. The clip lies. But watch it anyway...