Metapost: Intermission.

Due to a variety of circumstances (mostly illness-related), the Desuko Movie Spot is forced to start its winter break a few days early. Thanks for reading in 2007, and we'll be back right after the New Year with some more great reviews!

Braindead (a.k.a., Dead Alive) (1992).

The Scoop:
This has been billed as the goriest film of all time, and for once, the hype does not lie. Early on, it manages to out-gross (and I don't mean box office here) everything that came before it, and it doesn't let up. The gore is pounded into you, becoming the ultimate parody of the genre. Reducto ad absurdum. By the end, when the hero is cutting down zombies left and right with a lawnmower, the gore has reached new comic heights. You gotta have a strong stomach for this one. (The movie has a strong stomach of its own, in fact -- and strong intestines that attack and devour anything that cross their path.)

Those New Zealanders are weird people.

But there's more to this early film by Peter Jackson than just the gore -- there's also a wonderfully funny script, a swashbuckling visual style and a bunch of head-long performances by a group of unknown actors. This one is a must for every horror aficionado, and a real eye-opener for those latecomers who only know Jackson for "Lord of the Rings" or "King Kong."

Best Line:
"I kick arse for the Lord!"

Side Note:
There are a few edited versions of this floating around which cut out the best parts, so double-check the box and accept nothing less than the full, uncut version.

Companion Viewing:
"Bad Taste" (1987) or maybe that helicopter scene from "28 Weeks Later" (2007).

Links:
IMDb.
Peter Jackson Online page.
Peter Jackson Fan Club page.
The Movie Cynics drinking game.

Take a Look:
Messing around in graveyards at night is always a bad idea. Shouldn't these kids know that by now?


Look out for that man with the lawnmower!

The Monster of Camp Sunshine (1964).

The Scoop:
This entry from the 1960s nudie cycle is somewhat of an oddity, featuring less nudity than expected, a semi-competent stab at a plot, a strange silent movie whimsy, and some fine black-and-white photography on location in New York City.

The story involves two young roommates trying to make their way in the big city -- one is a fashion model trying to decide whether to model a topless bathing suit, and the other is a nurse at a hospital that inexplicibly has a lot of caged rats hanging around.

First the nurse introduces the model to the swinging life of Camp Sunshine, a nudist colony upstate, then accidentally spills chemicals on the rats, turning them into killers that chase her out a window. Her doctor boss, being the responsible sort he is, disposes of the dangerous chemicals by throwing them into the ocean. The plot just gets more ludicrous from there, culminating in the filmmakers trying to destroy the monster with parachuting scientists, a couple different armies and an entire stock footage library. One of the goofiest things you'll ever see.

Best Bit:
The rat attack!

Side Note:
This was the first effort for producer Gene R. Kearney, who went on to a more respectable career as writer and director in television, working on such shows as "Night Gallery," "Kolchak the Night Stalker" and "Lou Grant."

Companion Viewing:
"The Thrill Killers" (1964).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
This purports to be the trailer, although it's just a randomly edited bunch of shots. (Warning: Thar be boobies 'n' booties ahead!):

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970).

The Scoop:
It's about time I got around to reviewing this classic.

Along with "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" (1965), this represents the apex of the Russ Meyer canon. Finally, Meyer's single-minded obssession with big breasts is coupled with a wonderfully campy plot -- an all-girl rock band called the Carrie Nations (played by, from left to right in the photo, Marcia McBroom, Dolly Read and Cynthia Myers) comes to Hollywood, where they find drugs, violence and lots of wild sex.

In the first film of his ill-fated stint as a major studio director, Meyer teamed with future film critic Roger Ebert to create a landmark work that celebrates the excesses of the free love '60s while also looking ahead to the crises and malaise of the '70s. Not bad for what is, at heart, a cheap sexploitation flick.

Read, Playboy's Playmate of the Year for 1966, is an especial revelation in her first starring role. So is John Lazar, who plays flamboyant record producer Ronnie "Z-Man" Barzell, a character based on the unhinged exploits of Phil Spector.

Fast-paced, joyous and filled with great music, "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" is definitely of its era and wonderfully loopy fun. It is very nearly the perfect movie, despite its shocking downer of an ending.

Meyer's joy ride as a major studio director would have a rough ending as well. Despite the smash box office success of the film, it draws controversy, too, particularly from Hollywood's old guard, who are aghast by its excesses (it was one of the earliest films to carry an X rating). After just one more film for Fox (the disappointingly straight "The Seven Minutes" in 1971), Meyer was dropped by the studio and he returned to the exploitation underground.

Best Line:
"This is my happening and it freaks me out!"

Side Note:
The "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" project originally began at Fox as a true sequel to their madly successful 1967 adaptation of Jacqueline Susann's trashy novel "The Valley of the Dolls." However, the script Susann submitted fell short of the studio's expectations, and their contract allowed Fox to go ahead with a sequel without her involvement in such a situation. The project went through a number of incarnations in the development process before finally being given to Meyer, who the stodgy studio had signed in an attempt to get a piece of the booming youth market. The rest is history, as they say, although Susann was able to get Fox to append the now-famous disclaimer to the beginning to warn viewers that "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" is not, in fact, a sequel to "Valley of the Dolls" after all.

Companion Viewing:
"Spice World" (1997) and the "Josie and the Pussycats" cartoon series.

Links:
IMDb.
Official Site.
As a Side Note.

Take a Look:
The totally awesome trailer:


The cross-country trip:


"Marijuana cigarettes! Reefers!" Oh noes!


A little sumthin'-sumthin' for the ladies who love the ladies:

Blue in the Face (1995).

The Scoop:
The title is especially appropriate given how much the actors blab in this film.

Shot by Wayne Wang and Paul Auster along with their film "Smoke," "Blue in the Face" is nothing more than a series of improvised vignettes in and around the smoke shop run by Harvey Keitel's character in the first film. Keitel is the only holdover from "Smoke" and the film is entirely improvised.

And boy does it show.

Most of the scenes meander to nowhere in particular, and the only interest comes in seeing so many big name actors and musicians try to ad lib off each other. Some aren't too bad (such as Madonna delivering a singing telegram, or Lou Reed's discussion of his fear of travel), but most of them just plain suck.

It's like an acting class exercise gone wrong, but if you're in the mood for pointless indulgence, this is the film for you.

Best Line:
"Yes, I am smoking cigarettes and some of my friends have died of them, but I am not downing a quart of Scotch in fifteen minutes. Looked at that way, cigarettes are actually a health tool."

Side Note:
This was shot in just five days. Wang and Auster claimed to take their inspiration for the move from Roger Corman.

Companion Viewing:
"Smoke" (1995).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
This series of clips should give you a pretty good idea of the feel of the movie. And just because it's a random, patched-together string of clips, don't think that the full film is any more coherent. It plays just like this, but with more aimless cameos.

Angels and Insects (1995).

The Scoop:
This is one of those art house period pieces that works better for what it means than for what it is -- wonderfully acted and beautiful to look at, but ultimately somewhat hollow at its core.

William Rylance plays an awkward 19th century naturalist marries into a proper upper-class English family, prompting a sort of culture clash that draws out an old family secret. Patsy Kensit play his wife, the fragile Eugenia, Douglas Henshall is her oddly possessive brother Edgar, and Kristen Scott Thomas is Matty Crompton, an spinsterish cousin with a love for studying biology.

The storyline, based on A.S. Byatt's novel "Morpho Eugenio," is slow and only occasionally compelling, but it raises interesting issues about Darwinian evolution, the human animal and mankind's place in the natural world. Shots of the gritty natural lives of the insects contrast nicely with the refined civilization of the family and show that we're not really as far removed from our animal brethren as we like to think. The costume design by Paul Brown strikingly underscores this similarity by mimicking the brilliant markings of the exotic insects, and the cinematography by Bernard Zitzermann wonderfully captures the look of Victorian-era painting.

Best Bit:
The wedding night sex scene between Eugenia and William.

Side Note:
Brown received an Oscar nomination for his costume design here, in what was also his first feature film work.

Companion Viewing:
"The Age of Innocence" (1993).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
Some kind soul has serialized the entire film on YouTube in 10-minute chunks. Start with part one below and then get the rest here.

F For Fake (1974).

The Scoop:
Orson Welles was the consummate trickster. Already a successful theater director, he burst into the public eye in 1939 with his infamous "War of the Worlds" radio broadcast, a pioneering piece of pseudo-documentary hucksterism. From there it was onto the capital of illusion, Hollywood, where he began a film career in which he repeatedly played with the audience's notions of the boundaries reality and imagination, and celebrated the power of magic.

In the documentary "F For Fake," which would ultimately prove to be his final directorial effort, he turns his lifelong fascination with trickery and illusion toward investigating the case of notorious art forger Elmyr de Hory and his equally notorious biographer (and Howard Hughes diary forger) Clifford Irving. As they tell their stories for his camera, Welles interweaves his own philosophizing on the power of fraud and the nature of art. Plus, as if that weren't enough, the careers of Hughes and Welles himself get mixed in for good measure.

And then there's the final 20 minutes or so, in which Welles detours into telling the story of Oja Kodar, which transcends all the indulgence and trickery that came before.

The result is an essay, really, more than a film -- but one that is sprawling and fascinating.

In the end, "F For Fake" becomes a fitting tribute to his career -- both thought-provoking and self-serving, dishing out equal parts brilliance and self-indulgence. And utterly ignored by the mainstream.

Best Bit:
There's lots of good, quotable stuff here, but the discourse on the cathedral at Chartes stands out.

Side Note:
The excerpt of "War of the Worlds" that Welles includes is actually a recreation, not the original broadcast, and even includes some rewritten lines.

Companion Listening/Viewing:
Welles' original "War of the Worlds" (1939) and "The Blair Witch Project" (1999).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
The trailer:


The Chartes monologue:

Metapost: Programming Note.

The hard-working gremlins behind the scenes at Desuko will be taking a much-needed break a long weekend of turkey consumption. They'll be back on the job next week, so expect the next post then. Happy Thanksgiving!

Duck Soup (1933).

The Scoop:
This brilliant political farce from the Marx Brothers features their finest work. And it's one of those true classics that, if you haven't watched it in a while, you owe it to yourself to revisit it. And if you haven't seen it at all, then by all means close this window right now and surf straight on over to Netflix or Amazon to pick it up.

Groucho is Rufus T. Firefly, the new leader of the bankrupt nation of Freedonia, who declares war on a neighboring nation to impress a wealthy dowager (played by that eternal Marx foil, Margaret Dumont). Harpo, Chico and Zeppo are assorted hangers-on who get in on the fun. While the Marxes had had great success in film before this, "Duck Soup" is where they really came into their own as movie stars. It is the first film in which they managed leave behind the staginess of their early productions to combine the lessons they learned from years on the vaudeville stage with the strengths of the film medium.

Besides being one of the funniest movies ever made, with the trademark Marx anarchy in its full flower, it is also one of the most astute political satires ever put on film. The script (credited to four different writers, but obviously heavily expanded upon by the brothers themselves) expertly skewers the contemporary European politics that would eventually lead to World War II. But don't think it's dated -- it still has plenty to say to us today, because nations at war are not so different from each other, no matter the time or place.

Best Bit:
Rufus: "Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realize our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?"
Chicolini: "I've done it already."
Rufus: "You've done what?"
Chicolini: "I've changed to the other side."
Rufus: "So you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?"
Chicolini: "Well, the food is better over here."

Side Note:
At the time of the film's release, the town of Fredonia, N.Y., complained about the similarity to the town's name and requested that it be changed in the script. In response, the Marx Brothers insisted that the town change its name instead, and the matter was eventually dropped.

Companion Viewing:
"Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worry and Love the Bomb" (1964) and "A Night at the Opera" (1935).

Links:
IMDb.
Retroland.

Take a Look:
The trailer:


Presenting... Rufus T. Firefly!


"To war! To war!"


The mirror scene, a classic of comic timing:

High School Confidential (1958).

The Scoop:
Another in the long line of '50s teen exploitation movies, "High School Confidential" has all the makings of a campfest. However, this one sets itself apart by featuring a script (by Robert Blees and Lewis Meltzer) that presents a mature and insightful handling of drug use among teens. While this could have been another predictable screed against wild youth, it instead turns the tables by making the adults the real drug pushers and having the kids band together to bring them down.

Russ Tamblyn stars as an undercover cop who teams up with student Jan Sterling to infiltrate a high school pot and heroin ring run by local big shot Jackie Coogan. The film also features performances by less-successful Hollywood scions (and '50s teen movie mainstays) John Drew Barrymore and Charles Chaplin, Jr., as well as Mamie Van Doren in the improbable role of Tamblyn's sex-crazed aunt. Jerry Lee Lewis makes a couple of brief appearances performing the title song.

The place to start exploring this genre is "Blackboard Jungle," the one that started it all. But after that, make "High School Confidential" your next stop.

Best Line:
"If you flake around with the weed, you'll end up using the harder stuff."

Side Note:
Van Doren and Chaplin later appeared together in the much campier "Girls' Town" (1959).

Companion Viewing:
"Blackboard Jungle" (1955).

Links:
IMDb.
Hollywood Teen Movies.

Take a Look:
You get two for the price of one -- the trailer AND Jerry Lee Lewis throwing it down in the opening credits:


Mamie does her thing:

Lobster Man From Mars (1987).

The Scoop:
This campy tribute/parody of '50s B-movies starts with potential but quickly peters out. A movie producer (Tony Curtis) learns he needs to release a money-losing film in order to evade the IRS, and who should walk in the door but a nerdy kid (Dean Jacobsen) with his "opus," the movie of the title.

This, of course, is very reminiscent of the plot of "The Producers." But instead of spending much time exploring (or re-exploring) the possibilities in this storyline, most of the movie is given over to the film-within-a-film, which contains a few interesting satiric moments, but grows old quickly. The whole thing is mostly a failure, but worth a look anyway -- especially if you're a devotee of b-grade '50s sci-fi.

Features appearances by Patrick Macnee, Bobby "Boris" Pickett and Billy Barty.

Best Line:
"If you were a lobster man, would you go into a haunted house surrounded by hot springs?"

Side Note:
Curtis' role was originally intended for Orson Welles, who died before production began. Curtis later said that the only reason he took over the role was to have money to pay child support.

Companion Viewing:
"The Producers" (1968), "Ed Wood" (1995) and "The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra" (2001).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
The trailer:

Psycho: Hitchcock vs. Van Sant.

Psycho (1960).

The Scoop:
From our 21st century perspective, it's easy to underestimate the impact this film has when it was first released. If for no other reason, it left it's mark on film history for depicting a level of violence and brutality unseen before. Although its violent content has since been surpassed many times, Alfred Hitchcock staged it with a sympathy for the victims that is still touching. And, ever the cinematic experimenter, he and screenwriter Joseph Stefano took the bold step of murdering the main character, Marion Crane (Janet Leigh), less than halfway through the film, asking the audience to transfer its allegiance from her to the shy, awkward Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins). Then the audience's trust is further undermined when Norman is unmasked as the killer. Norman's psychological underpinnings may seen clichéd now, but they were revolutionary at the time. No wonder moviegoers lined up around the block repeatedly to get in.

Coming off the successes of "North By Northwest" (1959) and "Vertigo" (1958), Hitchcock was looking for a change of pace and was inspired by the plethora of B-grade exploitation thrillers flooding the drive-ins at the time. Along came the novel by Robert Bloch, very loosely based on the infamous Ed Gein murders in Wisconsin -- which have also served as the basis of other movies, such as "Deranged" (1974) and "The Silence of the Lambs" (1991).

Hitchcock acquired the film rights and set about adapting it quickly and cheaply, so it was shot in black and white with a minimum of star power. The lesser-known actors he found give terrific performances, aided by the legendary score by Bernard Hermann (his music for the shower scene is, along with the themes from "Jaws" (1975) and "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" (1967), one of the most instantly-recognizable pieces of film music ever). To build hype for the picture, Hitchcock made theaters not allow anyone in once the film had started. The result was one of his greatest triumphs.

Best Line:
"We all go a little mad sometimes."

Side Note:
Among this film's shocking "firsts" for the Hollywood establishment, it was the first to show a woman wearing only a bra, the first to use the word "transvestite" and the first to show a toilet flushing on-screen. Some other firsts were dropped because of studio pressure, including brief nudity and an implied shot of Norman masturbating.

Companion Viewing:
"Psycho" (1998) and "Homicidal" (1961).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
The trailer, featuring Hitch at his droll best:


The shower scene:

---

Psycho (1998).

The Scoop:
It's director Gus Van Sant's great experiment -- remaking the Alfred Hitchcock classic, nearly (but not quite) shot-for-shot. And yet, for all it's verisimilitude, this doesn't have the same impact as the original. Some of this may be due to the ways the audience's tastes had changed during the interval of nearly 40 years, but more of it boils down to one basic choice -- the casting of Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates. What made Anthony Perkins so effective in that role was his innocent, harmless quality. He seemed like more of a sweet geek than a psycho, which made the ending all that more shocking. He made both Janet Leigh's character and the audience comfortable. Vaughn, on the other hand, is sinister from beginning to end -- sinister enough to make you wonder why Anne Heche's character didn't run from the motel screaming the first time she saw him.

Van Sant may have recreated the visuals of the original, but there is no way anyone can recreate the experience of the 1960 movie-going public seeing it for the first time. Once a bomb has gone off, there's no way to make it unexplode.

(And one other thing that has puzzled me -- why did Anne Heche get the retro wardrobe, while Julianne Moore was dressed like an extra from "90210"?)

Best Line:
"We all go a little mad sometimes." (C'mon... They were both working from the same script. You were expecting a different selection?)

Side Note:
The use of the knife in the shower scene is credited to director John Woo.

Companion Viewing:
The original.

Links:
IMDb.
A comparison of the two versions.

Take a Look:
The big basement "reveal" scene, always good for a laugh:


And finally, the two versions of the shower scene, played side-by-side (notice the subtle changes Van Sant introduced, most notably the extra doses of naked Heche):

The Busher (1919).

The Scoop:
This baseball themed drama is pretty standard fare for its era -- perhaps even somewhat conservative, given that it is preaching the evils of big city life at a time when the film industry (and mass entertainment as a whole) was embracing the joys of urbanization.

Charles Ray (the reigning heartthrob of his day) plays Ben Harding, a small town pitching star who gets discovered by a major league club and heads to the big city. While there, he turns his back on his hometown supporters and succumbs to the requisite temptations of booze, women and gambling. He eventually washes out, returning to his hometown in disgrace. But out of that disgrace comes the chance to redeem himself and win back the girl he loves.

The look at old-time baseball is fun, but the rest hasn't aged well and the last half of the movie is just plain tedious.

Best Line:
"Take it from me -- that guy's got more curves than a stovepipe!"

Side Note:
Ray's costarring cast includes Colleen Moore and John Gilbert, who would both go on to eclipse his stardom in the silent era, only to find their careers stalled after the advent of the talkies.

Companion Viewing:
"Headin' Home" (1920) and "The Natural" (1984).

Links:
IMDb.
Silents are Golden.

Take a Look:
Sorry, nothing to offer you on this one. Obviously, there are still a few holes to fill in the Internet.

Zombies of Mora Tau (1957).

The Scoop:
Talk about a movie in desperate need of a good 60-watt lightbulb.

This entertaining (though by no means classic) bit of B-grade schlock -- starring Gregg Palmer, Allison Hayes and Autumn Russell -- tells the story of divers searching for lost diamonds off the coast of Africa, only to tangle with the band of zombies guarding them. Although this was made with professional talent, it's still pretty low rent. Most of the action takes place in the horribly-lit night scenes, the acting is stiff, the dialogue consists of some of the most wooden expository claptrap you've ever heard, and the zombie make-up pretty much consists of nothing but vacant stares. It's like an Ed Wood movie, but without the sheer moxie and delight only he could've brought to material like this.

"Zombies of Mora Tau" does have one thing going for it, though -- underwater zombie fights! As you might expect, this kick-ass concept isn't used to the best effect, but at least this movie was bold enough to suggest it.

Yet, despite all its flaws, it somehow hangs together enough to be pretty watchable. Just how it does that is a mystery, but who are we to question such a mysterious gift?

Best Bit:
Just about everything that happens in the insanely ridiculous last two minutes.

Side Note:
Another effort from blacklisted screenwriter Bernard Marcus.

Companion Viewing:
"From Hell It Came" (1957).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
"Zombie vengance over-runs the screen!"

Rock, Rock, Rock! (1956).

The Scoop:
Rock, rock, rock bottom is more like it.

This is easily the worst of the early wave of rock and roll movies. The plot -- which is amateurishly directed (by Will Price) and written (by Milton Subotsky, who also served as musical director), and little more than an afterthought -- is about a high school girl (played by Tuesday Weld with her singing voice very obviously dubbed by Connie Francis) who becomes a loan shark to afford a prom dress. Meanwhile, Alan Freed does a TV show with an endless parade of '50s rock acts, including Chuck Berry, the Moonglows and Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers.

These musical interludes provide the only redeeming aspect of this movie, of course, but they can only go so far. Especially when Freed himself sings a song. It takes a special appreciation for bad moviemaking to sit through this one without reaching for the fast-forward button to find the next musical act.

Best Line:
The line from Ivy "Baby" Schulmann's song "Baby Wants to Rock" which sounds like "I don't want a lollypop in my ass," but probably is something else entirely.

Side Note:
One of the anonymous teens providing background ambience for Weld's shenanigans is a young Valerie Harper.

Companion Viewing:
"Mister Rock 'n' Roll" (1957).

Links:
IMDb.
Hollywood Teen Movies.

Take a Look:
The trailer:

La Jetee (1962).

The Scoop:
Chris Marker's visionary and innovative short film tells the story of a bleak future in which the survivors of the nuclear holocaust of World War III resort to time travel to try and avoid their fate.

But what sets "La Jetee" apart is not just its inventive treatment of the problems and perils of time travel. It is also the film's technique -- "La Jetee" tells its story almost entirely with still images (shot in superbly moody black and white) and voiceover narration, with only the occasional sound effects or music cues. The result is hypnotic, matching the dream-like pace of the story and its emphasis on the fleeting snapshots of memory.

Best Bit:
The one moving shot in the film. Simple, sublime and romantic.

Side Note:
The film was inspired by the scene in "Vertigo" (1958) in which James Stewart and Kim Novak count the rings of a giant sequoia tree. In turn, it would also serve as the source material for "12 Monkeys" (1995).

Companion Viewing:
"12 Monkeys" and "Alphaville" (1965).

Links:
IMDb.
"The Jetty".

Take a Look:
Here it is, in its entirety:

Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity (1987).

The Scoop:
It may seem like Troma, but it ain't. Director/co-writer Ken Dixon set out to create a campy tribute to '50s B-grade exploitation movies and came up with a winner.

This sci-fi twist on the oft-filmed story "The Most Dangerous Game" is brisk and fun, with lots of cavorting, scantily-clad women thrown into the mix. Big blonde slave girls Daria (Elizabeth Cayton) and Tisa (Cindy Beal) escape from their imprisonment only to crash land on a remote planet where they find big game hunter Zed (Don Scribner), his two brawny robots and their other guests, Shala (Brinke Stevens) and Rik (Carl Horner). Anyone with the least familiarity with the source material will know where this is going right away, but its a fun ride nonetheless. The dialogue is priceless, the girls are sexy and the pace doesn't sag.

This guilty pleasures was just made for life on the bottom shelf of a video store, back when video stores ruled the world.

Best Line:
"I've got the strangest feeling that the normal laws of time and space no longer apply."

Side Note:
Stevens is a veteran of modern sexploitation movies, having starred in films like "Teenage Exorcist" (1991), "Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl-o-Rama" (1988) and "Slumber Party Massacre" (1982. But she also holds an advanced degree in marine biology and has worked professionally in that field.

Companion Viewing:
Any previous version of "The Most Dangerous Game."

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
The trailer:

Love Object (2003).

The Scoop:
This lovely little confection is inept enough to be laughable, if only it didn't wind up being so distasteful.

Desmond Harrington plays Kenneth, a repressed schlub who is also a superstar tech writer who is rising fast in his company, a publisher that provides how-to manuals for everything from computer software to carpentry and first aid (don't ask). After his oversexed coworkers introduce him to a company that sells lifelike sex dolls online, Kenneth becomes infatuated with new assistant Lisa (Melissa Sagemiller). So, naturally, he tries to make the doll over in Lisa's image, only to become horribly obssessed. From there, things slide downhill quickly.

What's wrong with this movie? What isn't?

Writer/director Robert Parigi is clearly overmatched by the whole moviemaking endeavor. The acting is horrible (Sagemiller is the only actor to register a pulse). Rip Torn and Udo Kier phone in their ridiculously overbilled bit parts. The dialogue is woodenly implausible. The plot is based on a series of improbabilities and non sequiturs. The art direction looks like it came from the dollar store. And then there's the ending, which is misogynistic at best, and utterly nihilistic at worst.

What starts out looking like humorously cheesy sex farce turns on a dime into an "American Psycho"/"Vertigo" knockoff. It's not a fun combination, and enough to lose its audience along the way -- especially since it isn't a good enough production to carry any of those other films' jockstraps.

Best Bit:
The argument with the doll's tech support line: "Just tell me how to turn it off!"

Side Note:
Harrington and Sagemiller did almost all their own stunts, and it definitely shows in the tepid action onscreen. Sagemiller even sustained a couple injuries.

Companion Viewing:
"Vertigo" (1958), "American Psycho" (2000), "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer" (1986).

Links:
IMDb.
The official site of the French release.
Beyond Hollywood.

Take a Look:
The German-language trailer, which makes it look a lot more competent than it actually is:


The only clip available on YouTube is this, which comes from a user's collection of film clips in which women get hit on the head and knocked unconscious. Classy. And, somehow, entirely appropriate for this movie:

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994).

The Scoop:
This fourth entry in the too-long running horror franchise should have remained unreleased and forgotten, if not for the fact that the two leads in the cast of unknowns went on to greater fame -- Matthew McConaughey and Renée Zellweger. They both give energetic performances here, hinting at the success that was to come for them. The rest of the film, though, is pretty unredeemable, despite offering many unintentionally hilarious moments.

The plot starts with a group of losers on their way home from the prom, and from there it is essentially a rehash of the first "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," complete with many shots and sequences shamelessly stolen from that gem. The brainchild of writer/director Kim Henkel, this sat on the shelf for three years before finally seeing the light of day. And the only reason it got its release was because McConaughey's and Zellweger's careers took off, not because of any intrinsic value in the film itself.

The whole effort hardly seems worth the trouble, although it is now worth a look for the morbidly curious, I suppose.

Best Bit:
McConaughey struggling with his remote control leg brace.

Worst Bit:
Leatherface in drag. (Don't say we didn't warn you.)

Side Note:
Look for Paul Partain and Marilyn Burns, stars of the original, in brief cameos.

Companion Viewing:
The first "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974). Accept no substitutes.

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
The trailer:


The girliest beatdown ever:

Volcano (1997).

The Scoop:
"Volcano" isn't just a dumb movie -- it's a Big Dumb Movie. And they don't get much dumber or goofier than this.

Basically, a great big hidden volcano tries to push its way up through Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles. Tommy Lee Jones, Anne Heche, Gabby Hoffman and Don Cheadle try to stop it. Or something. The plot doesn't make much sense, and the characters make even less. But what you do get is plenty of bogus geological information, plenty of fire and explosions, plenty of L.A. landmarks being destroyed, plenty of running around, and plenty of bad dialogue and overacting. But most of all, you get clichés -- lots and lots of your favorite movie clichés.

The end result is a cheeseball classic for the ages.

Best Lines:
Oh, there are just so many, where do I begin?
"You don't understand -- he's my responsibility!"
"It burns! It burns!"
"Man, this Hieronymous Bosch is heavy!"
"I'm about to become the volcano version of Rodney King!"
"There's no history of anything until it happens. Then there is."

Side Note:
This was nominated for a Razzie for "Worst Reckless Disregard for Human Life and Public Property," but lost out to "Con Air."

Companion Viewing:
"Dante's Peak" (1997).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
Oh no! Not Angelyne!


Um... Can 12" of concrete really stop a raging lava flow?


The Beverly Center is demolished by unnecessary zooms:

Headin' Home (1920).

The Scoop:
Terrific vintage baseball footage highlights this film, which was designed as a vehicle to showcase the New York Yankees' newest slugger, Babe Ruth.

Ruth was the first great media superstar in the world of sports, becoming a household name as much for his appetites (for food, booze and women, not necessarily in that order) as for the way he single-handedly changed the face of baseball. And "Headin' Home" marked the start of this. It was his film debut (he plays himself, a role he would return to often) and purports to tell the story of his rise from a mispent youth in Haverlock, Maryland, to the baseball superstardom.

The scenes that bookend the movie are authentic, shot at actual Yankees games in the old Polo Grounds (their home before Yankee Stadium opened) and are a real treat for fans of baseball history.

Of course, the story that comes in between is more fanciful than factual. We're treated to scenes of Ruth carving his own bats from trees he chopped down, saving little girls' beloved pets from the evil dogcatcher, and rescuing damsels in distress. But the film catches him at his youthful best -- slim and full of energy, not the broken down older Babe we would see is his later, better known films and newsreel footage.

However, through all the trite silent comedy shenanigans and slow second half, Ruth's larger-than-life personality shines through and it is that, along with the game footage, that makes "Headin' Home" worth a look.

Best Bit:
The dog-in-the-meat-grinder dream sequence. Eep!

Side Note:
The Babe's love interest is played by Ruth Taylor, who would later become the mother of writer/comedian/actor Buck Henry.

Companion Viewing:
"The Babe Ruth Story" (1948) and "The Natural" (1984).

Links:
IMDb.
Silents are Golden.

Take a Look:
This clip strings together scenes from several silent baseball films, but the first features the Babe hitting his big home run in "Headin' Home":


The full film is available at the Internet Archive.

And, just for fun, here's the 1932 short "Fancy Curves," in which Babe tries to coach up a women's baseball team:

Pretty Poison. (1968).

The Scoop:
Those who don't know Anthony Perkins as anything but Norman Bates in "Psycho" owe it to themselves to hunt down this hard-to-find film.

In this low-key black comedy, Perkins is a pathologically lying arsonist, newly paroled from the mental hospital, who convinces a naive teenage girl (Tuesday Weld) that he's really a secret agent. The trouble is, she may just be crazier than he is, and things quickly get out of his control.

Noel Black's direction and Lorenzo Semple Jr.'s script (based on the Stephen Geller novel) are incisive and full of dry wit. Weld gets a chance to tear it up, playing against her squeaky-clean Disney image. And, in many ways, Perkins plays a fun variation on the character he created in "Psycho." In fact, the dumping-the-body sequence in "Pretty Poison" is a pretty sly tweak on the similar sequence in the earlier film.

An obscure gem. Unfortunately, it was horribly difficult to find for decades -- only a meager theatrical run, few TV or revival house showings, and absolutely no video release. (In fact, the copy I first saw of this years ago was a VHS dub of a late night showing from the early, early days of AMC, which found its way into my hands through a really complicated set of circumstances.) Thankfully, 20th Century Fox has finally seen fit to give it a full DVD release, so there's no longer any excuse not to pick this up at your local entertainment peddler's establishment.

Best Line:
"I used to practice unlicensed tree surgery. It seems I once performed an unnecessary abortion on a peach tree."

Side Note:
The film being shown in the movie theater scene is the Roger Corman quickie "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" (1967).

Companion Viewing:
"Heathers" (1988) and "Natural Born Killers" (1995).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
This scene probably isn't the best example of the mood of the whole film, but it's entertaining nonetheless:

Outrage (1950).

The Scoop:
More than a half century ago, Ida Lupino was blazing a trail where too few have followed: A career as a female director in Hollywood. Working within the studio system, she made small, modest pictures -- many in the noir vein -- that still outclassed the output of many of her male colleagues.

And "Outrage" is one of her finest, an unvarnished examination of the consequences of rape, told from the woman's point of view. It's a perspective few others of the day could offer and Lupino drives her message home with full force, over the rough road from the terror of the initial attack, to the humiliation, acceptance and healing that follow.

Lupino's direction and Mala Powers' fine performance as the victim should have combined to make this a landmark in social commentary -- instead, it has become an unjustly forgotten treasure.

Best Bit:
"It's our fault, all of us. Our generation has produced too many neuroses, too many mentally displaced people right here at home. We need more hospitals, more men to turn human scrap back into useful human beings."

Side Note:
Lupino not only gave a small part to her sister Rita, but also worked in an unbilled cameo for herself in the country dance scene.

Companion Viewing:
"The Accused" (1988).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:

Logan's Run (1976).

The Scoop:
Some things just get more ridiculous and dated with age. This includes just about everything from the 1970s, but, most especially (and ironically), '70s science fiction.

And never did the future seem so retro as in "Logan's Run." In a utopian society (which lives inside a shopping mall done up to '70s excess) that keeps the peace by secretly killing every citizen on his or her 30th birthday, Logan (Michael York), who is 29, decides something is wrong and tries to escape along with his girlfriend (Jenny Agutter). You see, Logan's job as a "sand man" is to keep the 30-year-olds from running away from their date with destiny. So, of course, he bucks against the system and winds up hunted by his sand man buddy (Richard Jordan). Along the way, they discover giant cardboard-looking robot (Roscoe Lee Browne) and an old man who lives in the U.S. Senate chamber with hundreds of cats (Peter Ustinov). Somewhere along the line there is a moral message about environmental responsibility and overpopulation -- the usual '70s sci-fi concerns.

And don't blink, or you'll miss Farah Fawcett's ridiculously over-billed bit part as a medical secretary.

Best Line:
"Overwhelming, am I not?"

Side Note:
If the Sandman headquarters building looks familiar, that's because the model was later reused in several episodes of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" as the Starfleet Academy.

Companion Viewing:
"THX 1138" (1970), "Zardoz" (1973) and "Rollerball" (1975).

Links:
IMDb.
The Cylon Alliance.
Retroland.

Take a Look:
Run!


Logan tries to get Jessica to run:


"There is no sanctuary!"


Let's get naked!


A great line, repeated for emphasis:

He Knows You're Alone (1980).

The Scoop:
Before he was heralded as the greatest actor of his generation, Tom Hanks made a lot of dumb '80s comedies. And before he made those dumb '80s comedies, he made some truly bad movies. This is one of them.

"He Knows You're Alone" was his film debut, and he's the only reason to see this turd. Unfortunately, we don't even get the chance to see him in a big role. Instead, he turns up toward the end as a disposable boyfriend of another minor character.

The main plot involves a serial killer stalking women on the night before each one's wedding. As the corpses pile up at a sluggish rate, it's up to bride-to-be Caitlin O'Heaney and ex-boyfriend Don Scardino to put a stop the clichéd shenanigans.

If you're in the mood for a decent, mindless "first wave" (i.e., late-'70s/early-'80s) slasher film, this should be toward the bottom of your list.

Best Bit:
The end credits, I suppose, because that means it is finally, mercifully over.

Side Note:
O'Heaney is the great-great-great granddaughter of Jacob Best, the creator of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Companion Viewing:
"April Fool's Day" (1986).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:

Hamlet (1996).

The Scoop:
"Hamlet" is -- period, hands down -- the greatest piece of drama ever written. It's a stupendous achievement that was the keystone of Shakespeare's larger revolution in humanizing the dramatic arts. Unfortunately, its navigations of the psychological terrain are so vast that it has rarely been performed on stage (and never on film) in its entirety. All of Shakespeare's texts have been abridged and adapted over the years (and I'm a big advocate of uncut Shakespeare), but with "Hamlet" it has been as much a case of practical necessity as artistic interpretation. The play is just too long to expect an audience to get through in one sitting. Scholars say that even the very first performances by Shakespeare's company were edited down to a manageable size. However, even the best cuts have done a disservice to the work.

Kenneth Branagh has tried to remedy that history with this film, the only complete and unabridged film version of "Hamlet." The result, clocking in at more than four hours, is a treat. The cinematography is beautiful and extravagant, and the core group of actors (including Branagh, Julie Christie, Derek Jacobi and Kate Winslet) hit all the right notes. Most of the smaller parts feature familiar faces, and with the exception of Jack Lemmon's uncharacteristically wooden take on Marcellus, they do their duties well, too. Charleton Heston is a particularly delightful surprise, in a role (The Player King) that usually doesn't require much more than good diction. This adaptation is essential Shakespeare.

Best Line:
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Side Note:
Nicholas Farrell, who plays Horatio here, was in Franco Zefferelli's "Hamlet" (1990) as Rosencrantz and in Branagh's "A Midwinter's Tale" (1995) as the actor playing Laertes in a stage production of "Hamlet."

Companion Viewing:
"A Midwinter's Tale" (1995).

Links:
IMDb.
Movie Links.
Read the play.

Take a Look:
The trailer:


Branagh asks the most famous question in literature in an odd aspect ratio:


I've always thought this was a better soliloquy than "To be or not to be":

Greed (1924).

The Scoop:
Avarice, violence, hate -- it's all here, every bit of the dark side of human nature. "Greed" is an adaptation of the Frank Norris novel "McTeague," about the disasterous consequences a lottery jackpot has on the lives of two men (Gibson Gowland and Jean Hersholt) who are battling over the same woman (Zasu Pitts). The film is also both Erich von Stroheim's masterpiece and perhaps the most notorious example of loss of creative control in film history.

The original director's cut was nearly nine hours long and was only shown once, to a group of studio executives. After the studio took control, the film was edited down to only 140 minutes. Most of the outtakes were eventually destroyed. Several attempts at reconstructing the movie have been made by film scholars over the years, but it was not until 1999 that Turner Classic Movies released the most complete restoration.

Using the small amount of surviving outtakes and still photographs from the lost scenes, the newest version runs just over four hours. While that might be a mind-numbing length for most movies, "Greed" holds its own the whole way -- and still feels incomplete. Too bad this is probably the most complete version we will ever get to see.

Best Bit:
The grim ending, shot on location in Death Valley. (The 37-day shoot was just as hard on the actors as it was on the characters. Hersholt lost 27 pounds and had to be hospitalized when it was all over.)

Side Note:
Herscholt was better known for his philanthropic efforts, and is the namesake of the Jean Herscholt Humanitarian Award given at the Oscars. He was also the uncle of actor Leslie Nielsen.

Companion Viewing:
"The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" (1948).

Links:
IMDb.
Frank Norris' original novel.
Fan site.

Take a Look:
TCM offers this spoiler-y clip from the Death Valley sequence. Watch with caution!

Newsreel footage of the cast and crew trekking into Death Valley:

A Fool There Was (1915).

The Scoop:
Theda Bara was the first of the silver screen's sex goddesses, and this is the film that launched her reputation. In fact, the word "vamp" was invented specifically by the studio (the Willam Fox Vaudeville Company, the ancestor of today's Fox Film Corporation) to describe her in this role.

The plot and script are conventional for the era -- a loose women tempts then ruins a series of wealthy men -- and it can be rough slogging for the modern viewer. But Bara's performance alone makes it memorable and worth watching today. It would be nothing without her. Every celebrity sex symbol and every movie vixen to come after owes a major debt to Theda.

Best Line:
"Kiss me, my Fool!"

Side Note:
The lack of preservation of early films has really taken its toll on the work of Theda Bara -- she was the biggest star of her time, but the only other feature films of hers that still exist in their entirety are her pre-fame "The Stain" (1914) and "The Unchastened Woman" (1925), which was made on the downside of her career.

Companion Viewing:
"It" (1926) and "Pandora's Box" (1929).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
You can see the film in its entirety on YouTube:

Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999).

The Scoop:
This mock documentary covering a teen beauty pageant in a small Minnesota town is a capable satire of both pageant culture and Midwestern provincialism, but ultimately it falls short.

The cast and crew give a good effort across the board, but what really handicaps this film is its mockumentary style. The best mockumentaries out there (from the comedy of "This is Spinal Tap" to the seriousness of "The Blair Witch Project" or "Man Bites Dog") work because of their spontaneity. "Drop Dead Gorgeous," on the other hand, is too tightly scripted and its satire too unbelievably over-the-top to be an effective mockumentary. Instead, it would have been better served by a conventional narrative format.

Despite this handicap, though, there are terrific performances from the whole cast (led by Kirsten Dunst, Ellen Barkin and Kirstie Alley) and some great gags (both visual and verbal). Much like Dunst's character Amber Atkins, this is a little, disadvantaged film that succeeds on effort and charm.

Best Line:
"Hi. I'm Amber Atkins, and I am signing up 'cause two of my favorite persons in the world competed in pageants: my mom and Diane Sawyer. Of course, I want to end up more like Diane Sawyer than my mom."

Side Note:
Screenwriter Lona Williams, who is also a writer and producer for "The Drew Carey Show," was a first runner-up in the national Junior Miss competition. She also has a cameo in the movie as a pageant judge.

Companion Viewing:
"Waiting for Guffman" (1996).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
A collection of clips to give you the Cliffs Notes version of the movie. Part one:


And part two:

The Man Who Turned to Stone (1957).

The Scoop:
A cabal of mad scientists trying to live forever use the front of running a reform school for girls in order who have a fresh supply nubile young women to drain of their life force. After a crusading young case worker notices the death toll rising a little too much, she and a generic do-gooder scientist guy team up to uncover the truth.

It's all pretty standard fare that distinguished by -- well, by nothing, really. The execution fails to live up the premise as no '50s B-movie cliche is left unturned. Even if you're an enthusiast of the genre, you'll likely forget it a half hour after its over.

(And for what it's worth, a man does indeed turn to stone, but it's a huge anticlimax.)

Best Line:
"Those twisted features... He may be a mongoloid."

Side Note:
Screenwriter Bernard Gordon was a victim of the Hollywood Ten blacklist, and worked for several years under the pseudonym Raymond T. Marcus. He is also responsible for penning such classic scripts as "Day of the Triffids" (1962), "Earth vs. the Flying Saucers" (1956), "Zombies of Mora Tau" (1957) and "Krakatoa, East of Java" (1969).

Companion Viewing:
"The Wasp Woman" (1957).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
This is a movie so anonymous, it doesn't even exist on YouTube. Someday I'll get it together enough to post my own clips. Until then, you'll just have to use your imagination. (Sorry!)

The U.S. vs. John Lennon (2006).

The Scoop:
This wonderful documentary from David Leaf and John Scheinfeld is a must-see. It does more than just detail the FBI's campaign to discredit and deport John Lennon and Yoko Ono in the early '70s; it also examines the issues and personalities of the antiwar movement, displays the horrors of the Vietnam War and gives a loving portrayal of John and Yoko's marriage.

Lennon coupled his intelligence and principle with the pop smarts he learned from the Beatles to propel himself to the front of the antiwar movement and into the orbit of the likes of Bobby Seale, Abbie Hoffman, Ron Kovic and Angela Davis. Along the way he made powerful enemies both in J. Edgar Hoover's FBI and Richard Nixon's White House.

The film presents in-depth interviews with Ono (of course), Seale, Davis, Gore Vidal, G. Gordon Liddy, John Dean, Walter Cronkite, Geraldo Rivera and a host of others. With these, Leaf and Scheinfeld make liberal use of archival interviews with Lennon, especially John and Yoko's appearances on "The Dick Cavett Show", and Lennon's own music.

What emerges is a powerful depiction of a celebrity willing to risk everything to use his fame and influence to try to affect positive change on the world -- as well as the lengths corrupt powerholders will go to protect their own selfish interests and stifle dissent. It's a prescient message for today, as we still await an artist capable of making the same stand.

Best Line:
"Mr. Lennon came to represent life and was admirable. Mr. Nixon and Mr. Bush represent death." -- Gore Vidal

Side Note:
Among the celebrities singing on "Give Peace a Chance" (recorded at John and Yoko's Bed-In in Montreal in 1969) were Tommy Smothers, Timothy Leary, Petula Clark, Allen Ginsberg and Dick Gregory.

Companion Viewing:
"Imagine: John Lennon" (1988) and "The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons From the Life of Robert S. McNamara" (2003).

Links:
IMDb.
Official Site.
Cinematic Intelligence Agency.
Mooviees!

Take a Look:
The trailer that makes it look almost like a Hollywood thriller:

Metapost: Vacation.

Desuko Movie Spot is currently sunning itself on the shores of Aruba, getting into trouble with the native women. Expect more reviews in the first week of September.

The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T (1953).

The Scoop:
Until the release of Jim Carrey's version of "The Grinch" in 2000, this held the distinction of being the only live action Dr. Seuss film ever made. And it's easy to see why -- what is charming in animation comes across as just plain creepy when live people do it. The 500 kids with little hands sticking out of their beanie caps, the old men with interlocking beards, the miniature atomic bomb -- it's just all too reminiscent of a bad nightmare... or a freaky drug trip. Watch it stoned, and it's an experience you'll never forget.

The story, by the way, involves a young boy who is disgruntled with his piano lessons and escapes into a fantasy world in which his piano teacher is an evil dictator bent on world domination. Theodor Geisel -- Dr. Seuss himself -- was heavily involved with scripting and production design, so lots of Seussian touches have made it to the screen here. But it's just a bizarre, surreal viewing experience, both for the visuals and the dialogue.

Best Line:
"The work for the happy finger method must go on!"

Side Note:
Hans Conried, who plays the evil piano teacher Dr. Terwilliker, is better known as the voice of Snidely Whiplash from the "Rocky and Bullwinkle" cartoons.

Companion Viewing:
"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" (1964) and any other nightmarish children's entertainment.

Links:
IMDB.
Retroland.

Take a Look:
The trailer:


Hid doe-me-doe duds are FABULOUS!


Elevator to the dungeon:


Showtime in the dungeon:

Driller Killer (1979).

The Scoop:
Allow me to quote Juliette Lewis in "Natural Born Killers" -- "Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad!"

This film isn't a movie so much as it is a series of vaguely connected scenes. Abel Ferrera started his pretentious arthouse filmmaking career by directing and starring in this pretentious, inept slasher wannabe and "Taxi Driver" clone. Ferrera (using the screen name Jimmy Laine) stars as Reno, an uptight Soho painter who is working on a painting of a buffalo while living next door to the world's worst punk band. While the band plays the same damn song over and over, Reno argues with his two live-in girlfriends and slowly goes insane. Eventually (far too late into the movie), he finally snaps and starts killing random transients with an electric drill. Some of the vague, interchangable supporting characters eventually get the drill, too, but unfortunately, the band survives.

The scenes do not even hang together very well. What thin narrative thread there is branches off into too unresolved loose ends. What are we to make, for instance, of the old man in the church, the argument in the ladies' room, the pointless band auditions? Getting to the gore a lot earlier and sustaining it throughout the movie might have helped improve the film, but probably not much.

God, what a stinker this is. But somehow totally worth it if you're a bad movie maven.

Best Bit:
The disclaimer at the beginning, "This Film Should Be Played LOUD."

Side Note:
This is one of the infamous "video nasties," films barred from video release in Great Britain until 1999 because of their graphic violence. "Driller Killer" is probably the least deserving of the group, though, because its gore quotient is so low.

Companion Viewing:
"Taxi Driver" (1976).

Links:
IMDb.

Take a Look:
The trailer:


The critic hates the painting. Don't you?


The oh-so-horrid, banned-in-Britain head drilling scene:


A fan video for Iron Maiden's "Killers" using footage from the movie: